My Reaction to Pregnancy

Being a young mother, I often have older people ask me if I planned my children. I also have younger women (usually pregnant) ask me if I cried when I found out, because that's what they did. While the answer is complicated, it's also very simple. I was overjoyed and terrified at finding out about each. So here are my thoughts about my pregnancies so far. :) (this originally started as a response to a post in my local mom group. Since it's the best explanation I've given to the question, I figured I'd hang on to it ;) )  

At 16, I cried when I found out about my first pregnancy. I was trying to figure out how to handle the next step with my boyfriend, who was becoming increasingly controlling and abusive. I worried she would suffer. I worried I wouldn't be a good mother, despite my desire to be one. But she came and became my inspiration. She reminds me everyday that I have a purpose. 

At 19, I cried when I found out about my second pregnancy. I knew my ex husband (still my husband at the time) was leaving us. I had no job, no support, I had nothing. I was terrified about what would happen to the three of us. I worried my oldest would be left out while I had to care for a newborn. I worried I would damage them as a single mom. But she came and became my "saving Grace" (hence her name :) ). She reminds me everyday that there are people who are there to help me, no matter how small. 

At 22, I cried when I found out about my third pregnancy. I had a good job that I loved, was engaged to soul mate, my girls were happy, and we were comfortable with our life (I wasn't even sure I wanted more kids because of the emotional scars left by my ex). I worried about work and finances. I worried I would never have time for loving and supporting three children. But she came and has become my passion. She reminds me everyday that passion is what feeds us, and I, personally, am lost it. 

None of my children were planned, had good timing, or the "right" circumstances. But they were exactly what I needed, I just didn't have a clue.